Santa Claus is coming to town, and given that coaches believe in anything and everything that can potentially provide even the smallest advantage, you can be sure that football coaches everywhere believe in the ability of the jolly fat man to grant wishes.
Read on for a team-by-team look at what Santa could do for each of the 14 SEC coaches.
Santa knows the ID of the real Saint Nick, and thus usually gives Nick Saban what he wants – and this year, that’s a fifth national title. Thing is, if Saban gets that, Santa knows the “Nick Saban is the greatest college coach ever” talk will create some controversy, and Santa usually isn’t too keen on controversy.
New coach Chad Morris has a long background in the state of Texas as a high school coach, and that has led to Morris’ wish: A steady influx of Texas high school talent making its way to Fayetteville, Ark. It may take a while for Santa to grant this one.
This has been an interesting season for Auburn. The Tigers have played three of the four teams in the College Football Playoff and beaten two of them; alas, they also have lost to two of them, which is why they aren’t in the CFP and instead are in the Peach Bowl. What Gus Malzahn wants? A smooth season, without the ups-and-downs (and injuries) that have plagued the Tigers for four seasons in a row now.
Santa has answered the call of Florida fans, who wanted a coach who can improve the offense. (Well, we think he has answered them, with Dan Mullen.) Along those lines, there are rumors that when an elf displeases him, Santa makes said elf watch UF’s offensive “highlights” reel. Those rumors are true: Santa isn’t cruel, per se, but sometimes you need folks to fall in line. And after watching those horror shows, every single one of those elves fell in line. As for Mullen himself, he has seen the “highlights,” too, and like a 7-year-old fixated on Legos for Christmas, Mullen has asked for a complete set of offensive playmakers – quarterbacks, running backs, tight ends and wide receivers.
Interestingly, Kirby Smart’s wish is the same wish as that of his mentor, Nick Saban – a national title. Know this, though: If Smart gets that wish in just his second season, there are going to be a lot of mighty peeved SEC coaches.
Mark Stoops wants his program to be relevant and finish with a winning record in SEC play – something that hasn’t happened since 1977. Alas, while Santa can work miracles, that may be out of his realm.
Santa skipped Baton Rouge last year, figuring that Ed Orgeron being named permanent coach was enough of a gift. Presumably, that was a one-year hiatus, and what Orgeron really wants is a legitimate passing attack – you know, one opposing defenses actually have to worry about going into a game.
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